update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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