oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
