I am puke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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