Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
