She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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