i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
