he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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