I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
