I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
