Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
