Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just took my morning after pill in the library
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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