why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
