I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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