I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
