you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
