I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
