she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
