I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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