i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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