my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
