Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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