He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize