hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
