Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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