wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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