I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
