Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
