i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
