He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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