Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
