Can Purell be used as lube?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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