I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
