I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
