went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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