I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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