Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
