It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
