Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
