I CAN MOONWALK!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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