so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
