If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is my gift to your gina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
