If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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