I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
