ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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