mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
