dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
