I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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