You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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