508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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