It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
